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James came out publicly as non-binary at the start of the year. They admit that, in the past, their truth in relation to their gender identity held them back from opening up to guys. James turned to Tinder, and would find themself constantly getting reported. What can I do? Society is still pretty binary, and we love putting things in boxes, and dating as a non-binary person throws a total spanner into the works. This is particularly relevant when considering dating apps, and the need to create profiles and present oneself online. LGBTQutie itunes. Thurst modelviewculture.
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There were no options for other genders; the only vaguely queer-friendly feature is that I could select to see both men and women. Nevertheless, I gave Happn a chance, watching people who I had supposedly crossed paths with pop up on my phone. The majority, however, were older straight men, and I did not receive any messages. Nothing seemed to be Happning, and regardless, I was terrified of this app at this point, finding it decreasingly romantic and increasingly creepy.
Bumble is interesting. Although Bumble has a similar swiping mechanism to Tinder, when two heterosexual people match, the woman must message first, within 24 hours; otherwise, the connection is lost. If the other person does not reply within 24 hours to an initial message, the match also disappears. In same-sex couples, both people have 24 hours to message. Although I did not like the heteronormative set up, with the assumption that matches would contain a man and a woman, I did like this structure, because it forces people to actually talk to each other to show interest, instead of swiping endlessly and never speaking to their matches.
Bumble does not have any option for nonbinary genders.
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I eventually got bored with this one, finding that even when I remembered to message people within the hour deadline, I rarely received a response back. I had a few forced interactions with people I knew previously, and that was all. OkCupid is the best dating app for queer people. Upon signing up, it provides a diverse selection of genders and sexualities, allowing you to pick up to five of each.
As you can see, I took full advantage of the gender options.
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The only aspect I was not happy with was that I was asked to choose if I wanted to be seen in searches for men or for women. In my opinion, every dating app should have this beautifully tempting button. As a nonbinary person, I felt mostly accommodated by OkCupid. It was refreshing to not have to misgender myself, although I am still upset about having to still abide by the gender binary in searches. If you are looking for a relationship, I would say that this is the app where most people are also looking.
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OkCupid has a lot of space to fill out a complete profile, and also includes questions to find people similar to you. Ah, Tinder. What can I say about this one? When most imagine dating apps, Tinder is the quintessential app. The sole dependence on swiping left or right on matches, however, renders it quite binary for people like me. Although Tinder recently introduced a variety of options for gender identity, one must still choose to included with either women or men, and select interest in men, women, or both.
By including myself within the category of women, and selecting interest in men and women, I encountered a selection of hoards of cisgender, heterosexual men, with occasional queer women, and rare bisexual or nonbinary people. This was frustrating, because although I frequently matched with straight men, they would often ask me intrusive questions about my anatomy with the first message.
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I often just turned off my preference for all men on the app, even though I am interested in men, to avoid this harassment. My clueless self did not anticipate that since Tinder is hugely popular, I would have to duck behind a wall or avoid Bruin Walk so as to not run into Tinder matches, oops!
I have to be honest: I was on this app for only a few hours.